It has been very difficult for me to get into the Christmas spirit this year. I went through the motion of buying presents for everyone just because. A couple of weeks ago, I was entering this online competition and had to answer in 25 words or less the question, "What makes Christmas special to you and why?" I stared at the computer screen for a long time, not knowing what to write. Ended up with nothing. How pathetic.
I miss Christmases of my childhood so much. Sometimes I just cry reminiscing about them.
We always got to wear brand new clothes and shoes for Christmas eve mass. And the "feast" we had afterwards...it was the only time of the year we got to eat lots of ham, apples, walnuts, special cheese....
We had special, battery-operated toys that my parents only brought out during the Christmas season. As soon as the season was over, the toys got packed up and stored until the next Christmas. We never got tired of those toys. The mere sight of my mom opening a fresh pack of batteries excited us.
We were a big family so there were definitely lots of presents too. I didn't mind getting clothes instead of toys.
Christmas day lunch was spent at my aunties' house. They had a huge house and they always cooked the best food and baked the greatest cakes and pastries. After lunch, we always played Black Jack. We had great fun. Of course, more presents followed from my grandparents and aunties. They always handed newly printed money, fresh from the bank!
Here is a photo of my big family, taken Christmas day of 1982. (I am 4th from the right, back row.) Since then, 6 of those in the photo have already passed away. I miss them all very much.
These days, Christmas is totally different. The anticipation, the excitement, the time spent with our extended family, relatives and friends are just not the same. The kids today do not seem to have that same spirit that we had. I wish I could give my own children a better Christmas experience...one they can look back to and smile about when they're older. I just don't know how.
I am just tired, I guess. I've been baking nonstop...I've had no time to pause and reflect. I do long to experience real Christmas joy.
Before I go, here's the cake I made for our celebration today. I opted for a safe flavour, chocolate. Made the gumpaste decorations a week ago as I did not want to stress out at the last minute. Yesterday, my husband accidentally sat on my poinsettia centerpiece and three of the petals broke. I nearly died. Repaired them with edible glue and covered up the cracks with petal dust. Not too happy but it will do.
Again, have a blessed Christmas! Peace, joy, love, and hope to all.
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